Billericay 2 vs Lewes 1: EastEnd villains

After trouble in the week at The Arches, the visitors are keen to make amends. But even before kick-off, there’s bother, as a nasty case of the two-bob-bits rules out Salmon and Carlse.

Reinforcements and called for, and they arrive in the shape of a familiar character with a touch of Klass.

The action gets off to a rocky start, when the visitors suffer an early blow. They’re attacked down the right – where they’re at their weakest – and the home mob land an early blow.

But the visitors ain’t crumbling. They stick up some strong resistance, and as a half-time livener in The Vic approaches, it’s the visitors who are beginning to assert their authority on the manor.

The visitors are pretty tasty at the start of the second episode, but it’s the home mob who land a right-hander. They gang up down the right again and wallop the visitors with a hammer blow.

But it ain’t all over. Not by a long chalk.

The Old Bill ain’t happy about a high foot and who else but The Bastard pulls one back from the spot.

The visitors are well on top now, running the gaff. And moments later, The Bastard nabs a well-deserved equaliser… but The Filth have got different ideas. They’re claiming he shoved an innocent bystander, but he’s been fitted up.

Still fuming from the injustice, the visitors attack again and they think they’ve made another breakthrough, with a lively lad called Razz attacking down the flank. But this one’s ruled out too, by some fella with a flag.

The away lot are doing their nut. But they get a moment of light relief minutes later, when the home mob are awarded a soft penalty and they smack it so far over the bar, it hits Mick upstairs.

The laughter dies down pretty quickly, though.

The visitors’ returning hero has landed himself in bother with the Rozzers for the second time, although it’s the slightest of taps on one of the home lands. The visitors plead with The Old Bill not to send him down, but…

The visitors don’t throw in the towel. They batter the home mob for the final few minutes of the drama, but it just ain’t happening.

It’s undeserved, but it’s a victory for Bill ‘n Ricky.

Cast: Carey, Elva-Fountaine, Nelson, Olukoga, Coleman De-Graft, Klass, Taylor, Murrell-Williamson, Moore, Young, Pritchard

Extras: Jenkins, Skinner, Silva, Middleton-Tozer

Supporters Club man of the match: Ayo Olukoga. Worked his Cream Crackers off.