What the actual hell is going on here? That’s the men’s ninth league victory on the spin, if you include the tail end of last season. We’ve won every league game we’ve played in the past five months.

If they carry on like this, they’re going to be right up there with the legendary Lewes teams of the past. Teams such as the one highlighted in Friday’s club newsletter:

Ah, yes. Who can forget the 1964/65 Invisibles? There was Dave “Window” Pane at left-back, Wilf Hopkirk ghosting down the wings and, of course, Terry Paranormal.

In fact, I remember when we got the old Invisibles down for a team photo to celebrate their 50th anniversary with former chairman Fuller:

Glory days.

Talking of Glory Days, that was just one of the many hits being heavily mutilated by a covers band who were there to celebrate the opening of Cray Wanderers’ new ground, the exotically named Flamingo Park.

The name isn’t the only “exotic” thing about the place, either. According to local rumour, the clubhouse used to be a strip joint. Now, it seems, they’re making tits of themselves on the pitch. (Just running that line past the Equality FC Compliance Department. Yellow card? Fair enough.)

To be fair, it was a combination of Cray Wanderers being dog awful and our lads playing out of the skins that put us 3-0 up before the head had time to settle on my pint of “Wands” lager. (Note to Cray’s commercial team, “Ponds” more accurately describes the taste.)

Stand-in right-back Matty Warren did brilliantly to get to the byline and cut one back for Eddie Allsopp, who took full advantage of the keeper going for a little stroll to knock it home at the near post. The ball trickled over the line and for a moment there we thought the officials weren’t going to give it, but the lino raised his flag to give us a 13th minute lead.

That lead was quickly doubled. Someone prodded a lovely ball through to the advancing Danny Bassett. I couldn’t see who it was because the rain was tipping down and my glasses aren’t fitted with wipers, but take a bow, whoever it was. Anyway, I wiped them clean just in time to see Bassett finish low past the keeper and send the away end into damp delirium.

The best was still to come, mind. A loose ball found its way to Marcus Sablier, just inside the Cray half. With the Wanderers keeper again doing his bit for nominative determinism, Sablier attempted a Beckham-like chip and planted it beautifully in the top corner. 3-0 after 23 minutes and thankfully Chariman Emeritus Fuller arrived with another pair of pints in his hand to help us deal with the shock.

It really could have been four or five by half-time. Bassett stung the keeper’s palms on a couple of occasions, Parish Muirhead’s shot whacked the base of the post. The Rooks were absolutely rampant.

Cray – masterminded by former Rooks management duo Neil Smith and Tim O’Shea – got their act together at half-time (if only the same could be said for the covers band, who achieved the previously thought impossible task of making Chumbawamba sound good with an execrable version of Tubthumping.) They took full advantage of the new rules by making four subs at half-time and it definitely had an effect.

It took them only four minutes to reduce the deficit. A free-kick into our box wasn’t cleared and Cook hooked a smart shot into the top corner.

Like the band, we were struggling to find our rhythm, and instead set about collecting silly yellow cards for kicking the ball away or calling the ref a wally. That came back to bite us on the backside with about 20 to go, when Sablier got sent off for a second bookable, the first one being a stab at goal long after the offside whistle had gone.

Still, for all their pressure, Cray never really threatened to pull it round. They had a goal chalked off midway through the half, seemingly for an offside flag, which would definitely have raised the alert level had it counted. But the ten men dug in, worked their backsides off, and bagged all three points. Again.

And so we await the visit of Whitehawk on Monday, with the Government kindly giving us a day off to see if we can make it ten on the spin. What a time to be alive.

Lewes: Bull, Warren, Kaiser, Puemo, Enkh, Sablier, Allen (Mundele), Muirhead, Allsopp (Ladapo), Hutchinson (Williams), Bassett (Jeffrey)

Unused sub: Morris

Supporters Club man of the match: Several strong contenders, but Danny Bassett ran the channels better than Linford Christie and got a goal to boot.