I’m not a massive fan of the term “cult hero”. Nobody really knows what it means, and when you see those clickbait lists of “top 10 cult hero footballers” written by a 19-year-old work experience at The Sun, they always include Gazza, who a whole bloody country fell in love with. That’s a big cult.
Still, I know a cult hero when I see one, and Archie Tamplin is definitely one.
The boy is box office. He’s had more hairstyles than Toni & Guy; he wears his shorts so high up his thighs that, in the words of Jim Royle, if those shorts cost a tenner, he’s got a fiver’s worth up his backside at all times; and he has discovered an extraordinary knack of coming off the bench and scoring late winners in Sussex derbies.
In fact, at Horsham he didn’t only come off the bench late to score the winner, he swiftly returned to it too, because someone trod on his foot in the goal celebrations. It was nine minutes of sheer Tamplin chaos.
Before we got to Archie’s big entrance, there were 80 other minutes of football to deal with, and they were pretty good for the Rooks.
If you watch the video highlights below, you might get the impression that the Rooks were a bit lucky to leave with a point, let alone three. But highlights can be deceptive (just ask Archie’s hairdresser) and though this wasn’t a five-star performance, we spent most of the game with our noses in front and deservedly so in my opinion (which, as we know, is widely respected).
We took the lead just shy of 20 minutes in. Kalvin Lumbombo-Kalala made one of his darting runs down the left, then pulled the ball back for Ayo Olukoga, who let fly from the edge of the box. The ball clipped off the back of a Horsham defender, wrong-footing former Rook’s keeper Lewis Carey, and bustling into the net.
Ayo’s joy briefly threatened to be spoiled by a jobsworth lino, who raised his flag, presumably because the bystanding Chris Whelpdale was in an offside position. But after a brief chinwag with the ref, they decided all was well and the Rooks were ahead.
Alas, like the Janette Krankie lookalike who walks a massive Alsatian around my block, we didn’t hold on to the lead for long.
With Sam Oguntayo tucked in unusually high up field, Horsham got a quick break down our left. Ayo couldn’t make up the ground quickly enough to prevent Hester-Cook’s cross and Daniel Ajakaiye bundled it home at the back stick.
The equaliser prompted our iffiest spell of the match, with our goal coming under huge pressure. Harvey made a fabulous save to keep out a fierce strike, and two corners came very close to being nodded in.
And then a gift! Horsham tried playing out from the back, but a solid press from our forwards forced Carey to hurry a pass. He went short to a defender who was marked by Ryan Gondoh, and the winger nipped the ball off his toe, fed it into this week’s stand-in striker Whelpdale, who rounded Carey and slotted us into a 2-1 lead.
Horsham never really threatened to come back after that. Yes, they smacked the post midway through the second half and had other half-chances, but as their manager conceded afterwards, they were flatter than a pint of mild from a Wetherspoon’s. Partly because our midfield three – a new combo of Pritchard, Olukoga and Sablier – worked their conkers off.
Indeed, Ayo should probably have sealed the win before Tamplin’s late cameo. He bustled his way past a couple of defenders and unleashed a fierce shot, which missed the gaping goal but unfortunately caught a young lad standing behind the goal with a plate of chips square in the mush. I hope the lad’s alright, although if the club’s thinking of doing the decent thing and reimbursing the lad for his spilt snacks, it could spark another financial crisis. Given a pint of Guinness costs £7 at Horsham, we might need to remortgage The Pan to pay for his large fries and Pepsi Max.
Still, there was no need to cry over spilt chips as the Boy Tamplin emerged off the bench to stroke home the winner. Ayo was pivotal again, making another lung-busting burst into the box before squaring the ball to Tamplin to slot home, a repeat of his late show against Hastings earlier this month.
I didn’t see who jumped on his toe in the celebration, I was too busy popping my own heart pills. But with today’s boots offering less protection than my nan’s slippers, let’s hope it’s not a busted metatarsal or something equally serious. After all, we’ve got another Sussex derby against Horsham in a month’s time, and we need our cult hero fit to score the winner.
By the way, if you like talking about club heroes, at this week’s Supporters Club meeting we’re going to be drumming up new nominees for the club’s Hall of Fame. If there’s a player from the club’s past or present you think deserves to be honoured, then pop along and let us know. We’ll be in the Rook Inn from 7:30 on Thursday 29th Feb. The bar will be open to help lubricate those memory cells. You can also join us online – Supporters Club members will be sent a meeting link on Thursday.
Lewes: Harvey, Ming, Elliott, Penney, Oguntayo, Olukoga, Pritchard, Sablier, Gondoh, Lumbombo-Kalala, Whelpdale
Subs: Tamplin, Ogunwamide, Murtagh, Wood, Leahy
Supporters Club man of the match: Ayo Olukoga. Scored one, set up the late winner, ran himself ragged. Even points deducted for depriving a lad of his chips can’t deprive him of the award.
Video highlights from Your Instant Replay:
Boyesy’s brilliant photos:
