Thank Christ February is only 28 days long. Five games, four defeats, only 2 goals scored and 15 conceded. If the month had gone on any longer, we’d need to set up the Supporters Club Helpline on 0898 215 215 215. (48p per minute, please ask bill payer’s permission before calling.)

It’s not only fans, players and management who’ve had a rough February. Spare a thought for the poor sods who are doing the post-match interviews, trying to drum up questions that aren’t bathed in clichés. Once you’ve got past:

Why do you think we were unable to stop them scoring four goals in 12 minutes?

What did you say to the players at half-time?

And the well-worn classic:

How do you lift the players for the visit to/of [insert club name here]?

You really are running dryer than a Southern Water reservoir in August.

Quick tip for the interviewers popping the questions: try throwing one or two in at the end that lighten the mood. Questions like:

What’s your stance on assisted dying?

Tell us your story about Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor

Or

Any thoughts on the conflict in the Middle East?

The world is, of course, so unrelentingly grim at the moment that we look to matches at The Dripping Pan to provide a little light relief. When we’re on a run like this, it’s like trying to cheer yourself up by popping on a Radiohead album.

We did half-threaten to give everyone a jolly up in the first half. Danny Bassett ran on to a smashing ball from Alex Kpakpe, but his low shot was clawed away by the keeper; Charlie Walker neatly anticipated a defender bodging a long ball over the top, but couldn’t lift his shot over the outrushing stopper; and then the golden chance of the afternoon, when Devonte West set Charlie away, one-on-one with the keeper, but the shot was spannered wide.

The second half should be shovelled into a lead coffin and tipped off a Newhaven ferry. Both sides looked as threatening as a Kinder Egg. Even the free-kick that won it for the Paper Millers was a scrappy one, whipped across the face of the goal from a tight angle, and going straight in amid a bundle of flapping bodies in the six-yard box.

Still, February’s done now. We can breeze into March full of optimism, what with the arrival of (deep gulp) Folkestone-vanquishing Billericay on Tuesday and a visit to Barry Hearn doped Brentwood next Saturday. Oh, bloody hell.

Lewes: Rogers, Burchell, Hamstead, Watson (Muirhead), Kpakpe, Christian-Law, Allen (Janneh), Booth (Roberts), West (Unwin), Bassett, Walker (Nunn)

Supporters Club man of the match: Slim pickings, but Devote West looked the most likely to make something, anything happen until he was hooked midway through the second half.

Video highlights from Your Instant Replay: