Lewes 1 vs Aveley 1: With apologies to Amy Winehouse

Match report to be sung to the tune of Amy Winehouse’s Valerie.

Well sometimes I went out, down the Pan
And the pitch was full of water
And I think of all the things, that we did
Just to get a game on

But now we play at home
On a pitch that’s not so wet
Because a carpet has been laid
And rain runs off like Steve Ovett

Won’t you come on over
Come play a game in the league
Why don’t you come on over Aveley?
Aveley? Aveley? Aveley?

Did you have to go and score
Put a ball behind our back four, and find your striker?
The clock didn’t even get to ten
Before George Sykes ghosted in, and fixed it for ya

And then the half was tough from there
Ball was buffeted in the air, and you were busy
And did you have to play the eight?
Whose dives made us irate, is he still dizzy?

Cos this season at The Pan
Well, we haven’t lost there yet
And you’re one up at the break
And my feet are soaking wet
Don’t screw us over
Stop making a fool out of me
Why don’t you bloody sod off Aveley?
Aveley? Aveley? Aveley?

Well, this time, we came back with a goal
As Reece danced past your defenders
And the tackle wasn’t great, far too late
And the ref made his decision

Cos, since he’s been a Rook
The Bastard always takes the pens
And he’s only missed the one
Cos he’s more lethal than The Bends
It won’t go over
He’s making a fool out of thee
That’s why it ended one-all, Aveley
Aveley? Aveley? Aveley?

Lewes: Carey, Renee, Mascoll, Salmon, Champion, Young, Hyde, Pritchard, Coleman De-Graft, Silva, Taylor

Subs: Nelson, Olukoga, Skinner, Dalling, Murrell-Williamson

Supporters Club man of the match: Whoever put the drainage in the new pitch – we’ve not seen that match water disappear since Jamie Brotherton got in the team bath

Video highlights from Your Instant Replay: