Good evening. Myself, Alan and Wrighty found ourselves at a bit of a loose end, so we’re dropping in on the Isthmian Premier League to catch this afternoon’s clash between Lewes and Enfield Town.

Wrighty, you played a bit of Non-League. Have you ever been to The Dripping Pan before?

No, Gal. I didn’t realise how close it was to the sea. We could have got a boat here.

Don’t start, Wrighty. Al, do you know much about these two teams?

Not much, Gary. I was trying to get a teamsheet to do some research, so I tweeted the home Secretary…

Leave it, Al. Let’s move on to the match. Not the greatest of games, but I believe there was a player who caught your eye in the first half, Ian.

Yes, Gal. The boy Ryan Gondoh. Very tidy little player, was causing them all sorts of problems in the first half. He’s a more dangerous right winger than Jacob Rees-Mogg.

Pack it in, Wrighty. We’re in enough shit as it is. Al, can you talk us through the goal?

The goal was a move of real quality, Gary. The ball got played up to the big number 9, Taylor, who slipped a lovely ball through to Deon Moore. Moore skipped past his defender, although a ‘braver man’ would have put in a tackle, and the finish was clinical. Like someone trying to find Lee Anderson’s conscience, the keeper stood no chance.

Moving on. Anything of note in the second half, Wrighty?

Not really, Gal. Like Football Focus, the second half was a bit of a non-event. Lewes looked in control throughout and Enfield didn’t pose much threat. Lewes got down the wings a few times, but their crossing was choppier than…

DO NOT finish that sentence. So, one-nil it finished here at The Dripping Pan. We’ll be back next week when… Oh, Christ… Lewes arrive on the beaches at Folkestone.

Lewes: Carey, Tamplin, Champion, Salmon, Mundell-Smith, Pritchard, Young, Hyde, Gondoh, Moore, Taylor

Subs: Olukoga, Hall, Coleman De-Graft, Murrell-Williamson, Middleton-Tozer

Supporters Club man of the Match: Ryan Gondoh – worked his backside off down the right, helping out young Tamplin more than once defensively