Lewes 1 vs FC Oslo 0: The Brexit Cup

Well, what a night that was. The closest the Rooks have come to Europe previously was when Darren Freeman used to hum The Final Countdown (Youth Wing: ask your nan) in the changing rooms.

Actually, that’s not entirely true. As El Tel Presidente (Terry Parris) reminded us this week, the Rooks have made previous forays to the continent, anecdotes from which will be liberally sprinkled throughout this report.

But for now let’s focus on Oslo and a terrific night’s entertainment at a busy Pan, for which the club deserves a great dollop of credit for putting on. (A positive comment about the club there, for those who like to keep count.)

The Rooks started in barn-storming fashion. It’s no word of a lie to say we deserved to be three or four up by half-time as we battered our fellow EU leavers from across the North Sea. (Bit of content for the right-wing Rooks, there. Let nobody say these match reports are not inclusive.)

Kalvin Lombombo-Kalala had already banged one off the Olso bar before he gave the Rooks the lead after about 20 minutes. Deon Moore made a beautiful run down the right before crossing right across the face of the goal for KLK to nod the ball home.

Chances continued to rain down after that, but we just couldn’t find a way past the likeable Robin Vikskjold in the Oslo goal, who in between making decent saves was also making friends with the Youth Wing. He even threw his shirt into the crowd at half-time, which is the kind of extravagance you only get in European competition. Former kit man Clive would have waded into the terraces and grabbed that shirt back if he was still in charge. Kit doesn’t grow on trees, you know.

The half-time break gives us a chance to relive one of Tel’s Tales from Rooks European tours of the past…

Lord alone knows what FC Oslo put in their Lucozade at half-time, but they came out swinging for the second half.

Arthur Penney was spun around like one of Roger Feltham’s Catherine Wheels, requiring several minutes of treatment on the pitch, presumably for vertigo. The physio barely had time to check Arthur’s noodle wasn’t cooked before she was rushing over to treat Archie Tamplin, who’d just been steamrollered by the big number four.

The prolonged injury break gives us another chance to go all Alan Whicker and remember travel tales from the past…

There were a worrying few minutes of Archie lying flat out on the turf, before he was eventually stretchered off in a neck brace. We’re happy to report the young fella was alright, after a check over from the paramedics, although it looks like someone had to write his name and address on his hand, in case he’d forgotten who he was…

(That reminds me of the old Harry Redknapp anecdote, when he was managing West Ham, and Ian Pearce had taken a bang to the head. At half-time Harry asks the physio if Pearce is OK to play the second half and the physio says “Harry, he doesn’t even know who he is!”. To which Redknapp replies: “Well tell him he’s Pele and I’m putting him on up front.” You’ve heard it? I’ll move on…)

The game rather petered out after that, with Nathan Harvey not having a serious shot to deal with. The players kissed and made up at the end, and a good night was had by all. And so it’s off to Bevern in December, where judging by the chatter on the terraces last night, half of Lewes will be descending on Antwerp. They serve Harvey’s in Belgium, right?

Before we go, one last Tel Travels…

Lewes: Harvey, Elliott, Hughes, Olukoga, Salmon, Penney, Murtagh, Wood, Whelpdale, Moore, Lumbombo-Kalala

Subs: Tamplin, Wickramsinghe, Egan, Ogunwamide, Panyi, Dalling, Pritchard

Supporters Club man of the match: Deon Moore, who provided a fine assist and was sublime in the first half

Boyesy’s brilliant photos:

Lewes 1 FC Oslo 0 Fenix Trophy 07 11 2023-373.jpg

Video highlights from Your Instant Replay: