Our general lack of stickiness in cup competitions is creating yet another unwelcome entry in the calendar: the free Saturday.
As the club’s official Facebook account noted, our FA Trophy “journey” has come to an end for another season.
Although whether it can accurately be described as a “journey” when we haven’t actually gone anywhere, like a six-year-old threatening to leave home and only getting as far as the garden shed, is one for Susie Dent in Dictionary Corner.
Last weekend we had a free Saturday for unbelievably tragic reasons, and many thanks for the many generous donations we received for the Billy Vigar collection yesterday, which means we’ll be putting more than £150 into the fund for the player’s family later today.
But unless Club Sec John can pull off some creative fixture juggling, we’re going to have a free Saturday on the 25th too, what with Cheshunt’s FA Trophy journey still having some petrol in the tank.
A free Saturday sends a chill down the spine of every supporter, because it’s going to lead to an awkward conversation indoors.
“Where are Lewes playing on Saturday?”
“Erm… well, they’re not actually playing as such, but…”
And before you can spit out the second clause, make an alternative plan involving a pub and a nice sit down, your free Saturday has been reallocated. It will inevitably involve one of two scenarios:
1. A trip to the new Ikea. You’ve been putting it off for ages. “It’ll be bedlam,” you pleaded, “let the novelty die down, and we’ll go in a few weeks’ time.” But now those weeks have passed, and so your free Saturday will now be spent nodding at rugs, and agreeing that “yes, that lamp would look nice in the hall”, and spending £750 on assorted crap you didn’t actually need, that you can’t even take home with you because they’ve basically turned a 40,000-square-feet store into a massive in-person website where you can only look at stuff and wait for it to be delivered, and will SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.
2. A visit to Karen and Steve’s. “We haven’t seen Karen and Steve in a long while, I’ll give them a ring. See what they’re doing on Saturday.” Of course, they’re free. Karen and Steve are never busy, because Steve’s a pillock you’ve never liked, who only talks about his golf clubs and his prostate, and he’ll have spent all day cooking a curry with that homeopathic spice he uses that’s so bland it makes a vindaloo taste like Betty’s Hot Pot, and you’ll spend nine hours in traffic there and back because they live in Chiswick-Upon-Tailback and will SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT STOP.
(A word to the wise. If you do manage to squeak out on the 25th, pay a visit to Polegate Town in the Mid-Sussex Premier League. They lost 8-0 last week against Balcombe, and won 7-0 yesterday against Shoreham’s stiffs. Guaranteed goals.)
Anyway, one of the reasons you’re plotting alternative Saturday entertainment is because we didn’t deal with the wind. In case you missed the trampolines flying past your front window, it was a bit blowy yesterday.
Consequently, a rather lacklustre first half was largely spent watching Rooks players overhit cross after cross, because they were still using a three-iron when only a pitching wedge was needed.
The visitors dealt rather better with the conditions, and put themselves one ahead with a very smartly taken goal. We gave the ball away in the middle, they fed it down the left-hand flank, and Ben Fowkes larruped it into the top corner from the edge of the box. Leiston could, and probably should, have been two or three to the good by half-time.
Oddly, we played much better in the second half kicking into the wind. Meanwhile, their keeper was having club selection issues of his own. Having launched two or three of his goal-kicks straight into the hands of Louis Rogers, you’d have thought he might have considered not banging the next one quite so hard. But he was having none of it. The lad seemed to think he was on Roy Castle’s Record Breakers, trying to convince Norris McWhirter to give him the world record for most overhit goal kicks in a single half. Kick after kick was walloped straight back to us, meaning our second-half possession stats were something like 90%-10%.
The arrival of the dinky wizard, Arezki Hamouchene, also boosted our chances. He started to make things happen, and it was he who slid through a delightful ball for Devonte West to plant home for an equaliser.
Alas we took that as a cue to have a five-minute nap, and some particularly abject defending let them in down the left-hand side again, where Adam Mills lofted a shot past Louis Rogers.
The final 20 or so minutes was like The Alamo, with the Rooks creating chance after chance, none better than when sub Charlie Walker had his fierce low shot saved brilliantly by Billy Johnson, who was much better with his hands than his feet.
Sadly, we couldn’t find the equaliser. The journey ends at Ikea.
Lewes: Rogers, Bowry, Burchell, Asiedu, Bernal, Morgan, Iandolo, Chadwick (Harley), Bennett (Walker), Andrews (Hamouchene), West.
Unused subs: Gayle, Christmas.
Supporters Club man of the match: Hamouchene is the creative spark of this team. We’ve got to find a way to keep him on the pitch for more than 45 minutes at a time.
Video highlights from Your Instant Replay: