Lewes 1 vs Southampton 4: Face facts

Far be it from the Lewes FC Supporters Club to engender division amongst its own, but come on people! Get your act together! For when Hollie Olding scored an absolute banger on her Lewes FC debut yesterday, the reaction in the crowd was – to put it generously – mixed, as you can see from James Boyes’ ever-excellent photography:

Let’s break this down, like a Pound Shop Jamie Carragher and Gary Neville fiddling with their fancy tech toys on Monday Night Football.

First, let’s start with the positives, such as this family:

That, people, is precisely the kind of faces we expect to see when your young midfielder thunderbastards one in from 25 yards. This is textbook. Make these fans Life Members.

Then there’s this fella:

Despite holding a pint-and-a-half of Only With Love’s exotic bar brews, his face is still registering the requisite degree of shock and awe. The guy’s a pro. Shake his hand when you next see him, assuming said hands aren’t full of Funky Badger IPA or whatever the hell that is.

Now, sadly, we have to draw attention to those who need to up their energy levels, starting with:

This is a very low-wattage celebration of one of the best goals you’re going to see all season. These are the faces of people who’ve just realised they’ve missed the self-assessment deadline, or have been gifted tickets to a studio recording of Mrs Brown’s Boys. It’s so lacking in enthusiasm, we’re beginning to wonder if they’re closet Southampton fans sneaking in to the home end. Stewards, your cards have been marked.

The next one hurts us like a dagger to the heart:

For this is David Arnold and his lovely wife Barbara. Dave started supporting Lewes FC on the day of Queen Victoria’s coronation, he’s a stalwart of the Supporters Club, he bleeds red and black. And yet he looks about as excited as a man who’s just been told he needs root canal surgery. We’re going to generously assume Dave’s Carlos-the-Jackal-like shades are so dark that he simply didn’t see the goal go in, but rest assured, a Supporters Club delegation will be sent to have words.

Alas, Olding’s wonder strike was the one clear highlight of a tricky opening day for the Rooks. We gave it plenty in the first half, creating several good chances against a side highly fancied to be polishing silverware come the end of the season, but there’s no disguising that result. Southampton walloped four good goals past us and without the brilliant efforts of Sophie Whitehouse in the final ten minutes of the game it could easily have been five or six.

Positives? This is a much revamped squad from last season and it will take a while to settle. Caragh Hamilton looked a good replacement for Becks McKenna down the right, driving forward positively, especially in the first half. Anna Grey provided similar, direct impetus down the left-hand flank.

But Scott Booth probably had a face like David Arnold’s last night. Work to do for the gaffer.

Lewes: Whitehouse, Riglar, Cleverly, Hazard, Garrad, Hamilton, Pursey, Farrugia, Grey, Olding, Brasero-Carreira

Subs: Moore, Hack, Palmer, Blades, Oakley, Vassell

Supporters Club player of the match: Can’t look beyond Olding, who scored a belter and came close to adding a second with a great low drive. Sophie Whitehouse pushed her close, though.

Boyesy’s brilliant photos:

Lewes FC Women 1 Southampton Women 4 27 08 2023-2.jpg

Video highlights from Your Instant Replay: