We’ve had a few big-name celebs at The Pan down the years. Bobby Carlos, Nigella, Dave Lamb, Neil Pearson, Patrick Marber, of course. But none come bigger in my eyes (sorry, Dave, face facts) than the man who strolled through the turnstiles yesterday: Mr Paul Heaton.
Not only is Heaton one of the country’s finest singer-songwriters, he’s also a fabulously good egg. So much so, that when our Supporters Club magazine editor, Simon, collared him to buy a copy of The Black & The Red, not only did he hand over his £2 but he posed for a selfie with Simon too (yes, he appears to be wearing a Whitehawk T-shirt, but we’re going to let it lie.)
Consequently, we’re now pulping the remaining stock of issue 3 and reprinting with this flash on the cover:
So, in honour of the great man, and with the Supporters Club’s copyright attorneys on standby, today’s match report comes to you in the form of one his greatest hits. Sing along if you know the tune.
You took a little time to put balls over
You took a little space, but shots were blown
You took a little time to find the target
You took a little…
Funny how quick a chance goes sour, isn’t it, isn’t it?
We’ve been on top for well over an hour, bugger it, bugger it
Promising counter-attacks turn to dust
Threaded balls just turn to rust
Thrust into misthrust
You took a little time to find a goal threat
It took a little sub to work things out
He found a little room all alone
He took a little…
You took a little room for your back-post head, didn’t you, didn’t you?
You gave a little cheer to two thousand fans, didn’t you, didn’t you?
At eighty minutes, we feared the worst
Attacks so blunt, the bubble burst
Trust in the process
You had a little time, to find the goal net
You had a little time to right the wrongs
You had a little time, and we still love you
You had a little…
You had a little time and you had a little fun, didn’t ya, didn’t you?
While you had yours, do you think we had none, do you, do ya?
The three points that you wanted bad
Are yours for good, I hope you’re glad
Sad into unsad
We’ve had a little time to think it over
We’ve had a little drink to work it out
We’ve had a little post-match celebration
You took a little time…
You took a little time…
You took a little time…
Lewes: Rogers, Cox (Mundele), Hamstead, Owen, Enkh, Briggs (Christian-Law), Allen (Richardson), Garzon, Gondoh, Fisher (Unwin), Newson (Bassett)
Supporters Club man of the match: Captain Briggs was brilliant in the middle of the park, single-handedly breaking up 63 different attacks, but he’s just edged out by Ryan Gondoh, who was a pain in their arse all afternoon and found the little bit of quality to set up the goal.
Video highlights from Your Instant Replay: