Lewes 2 vs Bowers & Pitsea 2: picture this

Last day of term for the men, and there was a real bring-your-own-board-games feel to this, sadly, inconsequential finale, the tale of which I’ll be telling through James Boyes’ always brilliant photos.

The game itself got off to a flyer, thanks to a lovely piece of set-piece trickery. The Rooks won a free-kick out wide, which both Michael Klass and Deshane Dalling stood over. All the indications were Klass would be whipping a cross into the box:

Instead, Dalling rifled in a shot which somehow ended up going in to the keeper’s left, even though it looks like you couldn’t squeeze a small hamster between keeper and post from this angle:

Happy days… for all of two minutes. The visitors broke down the left-hand side and with Kenny Yao the only defender minding the shop, Bowers squirted the ball across to Shaun Wright-Phillips tribute act, Michael Ademiluyi, who promptly equalised.

The half-time entertainment was provided by Chairman Stu, who sealed his civil partnership with Razz Coleman De-Graft on the penalty spot…

…despite marrying Joe Taylor on the pitch only months ago…

And all this with his wife in the crowd. The man’s a serial bigamist and he’s hiding in plain sight.

Back to the game and Lewes took one last chug on the Kryptonite that has plagued them all season: defending corners. Bowers’ big number 9, Lewis Manor, had been causing our defenders problems all afternoon and it was no surprise when an inswinging corner landed on his bonce to give the visitors the lead on 57 minutes.

But now it was our turn for a quick reply. Klass fed a deft ball to Joe Taylor’s feet and The Bastard thumped it into the top corner for his 33rd goal of the season.

To put that into perspective, Taylor’s scored almost as many goals by himself as our entire team did in the aborted 2019-20 season (35). What a bastard.

And so it ended two apiece, allowing the normal post-season shenanigans to get going.

The players were practically stripped bare as fans demanded their shirts:

Much to the relief of kit man, Clive, who’s wearing the unmistakable smile of a man who’s just saved £4.50 on a box of Persil:

Meanwhile, Boyesy needs a new camera, after Brian The Badgeman’s psychedelic knitwear blew his sensor:

And groundsman Rog is conducting an internal investigation into who let a dog on his pitch:

It’s early days for the inquiry, but he has a strong lead:

Don’t you dare groan. You try writing 40-odd match reports without resorting to cheap puns by the end of the season.

I’m off for a lie down…

Lewes: Carey, Spencer, Salmon, Weaire, Yao, Klass, Olukoga, Phipp, Tanner, Dalling, Taylor

Subs: Hall, Jenkins, Maloney, Coleman De-Graft, Murrell-Williamson

Video highlights:

Boyesy’s brilliant photos:

Lewes 2 Bowers & Pitsea 2 23 04 2022-579.jpg