Welcome to Noel’s Christmas Presents, the show that’s guaranteed to make your mum cry after three sherries.
This year, we’re heading to Sussex to hand out some gifts to under-privileged footballers.
Our first gift is for a young lad called Jimmy, 9, from Chichester. Jimmy’s had a tough year, dealing with missiles being launched towards his head every time one of his back four gets the ball. Jimmy’s mum tells us he never complains about a sore head, so we’re going to give Jimmy a Christmas treat: the chance to score a goal with his feet. Yes, it’s the gift of a soft penalty for Jimmy… and even though the keeper gets both hands to it, we’re going to ensure it ends up in the back of the sack!
Our next present is for a special little boy called Eddie. Eddie’s dad tells me he works his socks off every Saturday, with a cheeky little smile on his face that warms the heart of his football family. So, we’re going to give little Eddie a gift to remember, a goal scored directly from a corner. Being the character that Eddie is, he wanted to share the gift with his friend Jerry, but we think he deserves it all on his own.
We’ve got one more present for the Lewes lads, and that’s for a boy called Gianluca Botti. Gianluca’s aunty Loretta wrote to me, saying how young Luca has given cheer to thousands of people in Lewes, who’ve been going without a goal poacher for the past couple of seasons. Aunty Loretta told me that Gianluca had a goal cruelly erased from the record books last weekend, so we’re going to put one on a Christmas plate for him: a short back pass that he can tuck under the keeper, fully gift wrapped. A present he can enjoy with his friends at this special time of year…
Two more gifts still to come, and this one is a quickie. We’re going to arrange it for the Chichester lads to get over their disappointment by giving them an unchallenged header, a free shot at goal and the chance to tuck in the rebound when the shot cannons off the post. Fill your stockings young Isaac Bello.
And there’s just one more gift to hand out this Christmas, and it’s a winner. Little Lloyd Rowlatt’s mum wrote to me earlier this year, asking if we can send her son on a trip of a lifetime to Disney World. Well, Doreen, we can do better than that. How about a free run through midfield, a repeated failure to clear the box and a sneaky goal from a tight angle?
Yes, it’s enough to bring a tear to your eye. And that’s all we’ve got time for this year. Merry Christmas, one and all.
Lewes: Bull, Warren, Spinks, Puemo, Elechi (Ghannam), Sablier (Morris), Muirhead (Allen), Allsopp (Ladapo), Ekpiteta, Bassett, Botti
Unused sub: Kaiser
Supporters Club man and woman of the match: You, for helping us raise more than £1,000 for the Brain Tumour Charity, in memory of our much missed chair Dave Evans. Thanks to all who donated.
Boyesy’s brilliant photos:
