If I’ve one piece of advice for Lewes fans right now it’s don’t leave early.
On Tuesday night, the seven of us who braved Canvey away were treated to two late finishes. And though the Rooks scored their brace much earlier in this one, the game got decidedly fruity as it entered the dying moments.
Talking of fruity, we first have to pay our respects to the garb worn by our veteran badge-peddler and man-of-the-match picker, Brian Ashdown. Alas, like a full eclipse of the sun, it was simply too dangerous to point a camera at the full outfit, so you’ll have to make do with the fragment that James Boyes managed to capture in the far right of this frame.
It’s not everyone that can pull off a stripy pink jumper with pastel pink trousers and patent white shoes, but they don’t call Brian the Vivienne Westwood of East Sussex for nothing.
Brian’s outrageous clobber was one of the few highlights of the first half, which was played in a mini-hurricane that kept the temperature on the Terry Parris Terrace well below seasonal averages.
The on-pitch highlights were two goal-line clearances, one for each side. I – and half the Parris dwellers – were convinced our headed chance had just crept over the line.
Indeed, so vociferous were my appeals that I ended up inadvertently displaying a good eight inches of midriff in the process. Yes, ladies, my calendar will be out in time for Christmas. Although Brian’s already nailed down the plum December spread, with this natty little number…
With the football proving a bit limp in the first half, full marks to the Kingstonian fans for providing some in-game entertainment. A gaggle of them had turned up in T-shirts bearing massive letters, but a lack of discipline turned it into a game of terrace Countdown, with Lewes fans trying to solve the conundrum.
With Susie Dent not answering our calls, the conundrum was only solved when the Rooks took the lead early in the second half, the Kingstonian fans finally getting it together to spell out SACK THE BOAR. It must have been D’s round at the bar.
That first goal was a lovely piece of work. This week’s striker, Walter Figueira, popped a delicious ball into Ola Ogunwamide’s path, and the winger repaid the favour, slipping it across to Figueira to tap in from close range.
Our second was equally pleasing on the eye. Sub Ryan Gondoh took a couple of minutes off from winding up the Kingstonian defenders to slip a ball to Ronnie Vint, who temporarily forgot he was a centre-back before leathering a wonderful strike into the top corner.
At that point, with ten minutes to go and Kingstonian already relegated, you’d think it would be all tippy-tappy nonsense for the last ten minutes. However, the real fireworks were yet to come.
The fuse was lit by Kingstonian pulling one back. The K’s moved it awkwardly from right to left, before full-back Jude Mason slotted low past Harvey in the 90th minute. Somehow, Sanchez Ming and their number 9, Eddie Dsane, get into a tangle amid the celebrations and suddenly we’ve got a 22-man shoving match unfolding, which results in Ming and Dsane taking the obligatory booking each.
Hold my Lucozade, says Walter Figueira. He gets involved in a tangle with a Kingstonian defender down by the byline, just after the game restarts, and leaves a boot in the midriff of his opponent for good measure. The referee has no real option but to give Walter first dibs on the Radox and now he’ll have a three-game ban starting next Saturday.
Tony must be pulling his hair out. He spends all season looking for a Joe Taylor replacement, finally finds one who scores two in two games, and now he’s banned once Horsham on Tuesday is out of the way.
We manage to see it out with ten men for the final minute or so, and full-time predictably results in another round of handbags, with Dsane now wilder than Brian’s knitwear and it all coming to head outside the changing rooms (apparently).
If we get our hands on the CCTV footage, we’ll show it on Supporters Club Box Office next week. £9.99. All proceeds to the men’s trip to Italy fund.
Lewes: Harvey, Ming, Elliott, Vint, Oguntayo, Penney, Whelpdale, Sablier, Ogunwamide, Lumbombo-Kalala, Figueira
Subs: Tamplin, Gondoh, Olukoga, Pritchard, Briscoe
Supporters Club man of the match: Arthur Penney did a superb mopping-up job in midfield.
Video highlights from Your Instant Replay:
Boyesy’s brilliant photos:
