“Alright, Baz? Did you go to Cray Valley on Tuesday?”

“Yes, mate. Played very well. We’ve definitely tightened up at the back recently. Hang about… Oh ****.”

Thus went the first couple of minutes of terrace chat at The Pan yesterday, spoilt by the sods from Potters Bar. Honestly, what is their problem? The first time we played them this season, we went there as league leaders, still unbeaten. The Supporters Club had put a deposit down on the open-top bus for the end of April, Pitts was in line for Manager of the Season for winning the league on a budget of two-and-sixpence and… we get handed our backsides with a 5-0 thumping.

This time around, we’ve just steadied the ship after Dismal December and Dry January. Unbeaten in four, including two credible away points at high-flying Dover and Cray Valley, and a derby win at Hastings, and the buggers can’t leave it five minutes before they’re taking the lead. What’s wrong with them?

In truth, this game wasn’t lost in the opening five minutes but a mad, mad spell towards the end of the game.

Lewis Finney had popped in an 89th minute equaliser, beautifully flicking a deflected through ball past the keeper to claim what looked like a deserved draw for the Rooks. But that wasn’t anywhere near the end of proceedings, with time added on lasting for an extraordinary 11 minutes by my watch (sponsorship available).

First, we missed the mother, father, step-cousin and great-uncle-twice-removed of all chances to claim all three points. Calvin Ekpiteta broke into the box, his shot saved by the feet of Dolph Lundgren in the Potters goal, but the ball’s squirmed across the six-yard box to the waiting Tolu Ladapo.

He’s got virtually an empty net to stab it into, only a covering defender to beat (who’s coming from his blindside, to be fair). If Tolu pokes that ball an inch or two either side of where he prods it, we’re off down the pub for a celebratory pint and the Youth Wing are singing Kylie Minogue covers for the next six hours (la, la, la, la, la Ladapo). Instead he whacks it against the ankle of the defender and it’s scooped up by the keeper. “Oh my!” screams Ollie on the video commentary. Yes, that’s one way of putting it…

Of course, that’s not the end of it. They go down the other end and win a corner. It’s whipped to the far post and almost goes straight in, but Ekpiteta is on the back stick and he heads it off the line and against the crossbar. Despite us having all 11 players back inside our box, as has become our customary corner routine, it falls to the unmarked Joe Re (surely the shortest name in the history of football?) to lash it home and well… Football, eh?

Lewes: Bull, Warren, Meeres, Spinks, Jones (Ekpiteta), Allen (Jalloh), Sablier, Antonio (Kaiser), Hutchinson (Finney), King (Ladapo), Bassett.

Supporters Club man of the match: He only came on midway through the first half for the ankle-knacked Alfie Allen, but Hassan Jalloh was a proper handful and played a peach of a pass for our first goal.

Video highlights from Your Instant Replay:

Birthday Boy Boyesy’s Brilliant Photos: