6-4, 3-6, 7-2, 4-5… pick a score, any score, and this game could easily have ended with it. The only result it was never going to be was 0-0, the Golden Goal ticket that the luckless Big Deaksy plucked from Ethel’s bucket. Ethel loves it when a plan comes together…
Pre-match terrace chatter was that this game was going to be “a test”, what with newly promoted Brentwood Town topping the table, albeit after two successive defeats to Wingate and Whitehawk.
For the first hour, however, we were passing this test with an A*** Distinction with Chocolate Sauce, or whatever the top GCSE grade is these days. To be fair, that was partly due to Brentwood’s slapdash finishing. They probably should have scored at least twice in the first half, slamming very presentable chances wide or against the bar.
At the other end, meanwhile, we were clinical. Devonte West got the first one after 18 minutes following an almighty scramble in the box. When West eventually prodded the ball towards goal their keeper seemed to be checking his iPhone at the near post, allowing the ball to sail straight into the net.
The keeper didn’t exactly cover himself in glory for the second one, either. A ball fell at the feet of Charlie Walker, who’s suddenly found his goalscoring boots for his second coming. It looked like he’d fluffed the chance at the back post initially, giving the keeper time to smother the ball, but the keeper must have got another message on WhatsApp or something, allowing Charlie to recover and prod the ball into the net.
Our third, on the hour, came from a stonking free-kick. Parish Muirhead had somehow shaken off first-half knee knack to wallop the ball past the wall, and old flappy-wrists in the Brentwood goal couldn’t keep it out.
Three-nil up, playing well and at this stage Pitts is preparing to walk into the post-match Q&A with the manager like:
Cue a mini-collapse. I genuinely didn’t see either of their goals as I was running errands around the ground and the match highlights haven’t appeared at the time of going to press, so all I can tell you is some goals were scored. But suddenly the mood on the Philcox was more nervous than my performance as Wise Man (3) in the Oglethorpe Mixed Juniors and Infants Christmas play of 1985, when I inadvertently announced I was handing over gifts of “gold, frankincense and Smurfs” to a baffled Joseph.
Thankfully, just as we were entering injury time, a Brentwood defender charitably wiped out Lukas Franzen-Jones as he was bearing down on goal, handing us what would surely be the valedictory penalty. Except, of course, Brentwood’s keeper had the penalty-taker preferences saved on his iPhone and Franzen-Jones’s spot-kick was infuriatingly palmed away.
No matter, though, as the latest new boy, Martell Taylor-Crossdale, did brilliantly to keep the ball alive near the corner flag, and when he got the ball back from fellow double-barreller, Tyler Christian-Law, he slammed it into the inside side-netting to finally secure the deserved three points.
At what felt like 2am, following long stoppages for injuries during the game, Pitts finally emerged onto the terraces to conduct an unplugged Q&A with a gaggle of the hardcore support. He’s a bloody good talker, you can see why players follow him round. And on that note, there was talk of Danny Bassett (also in attendance) potentially coming back when his ban lifts in December, provided the club can find enough loose change down the back of the sofa in the Rook Inn.
With seven points from three games since Pitts came back, and with us hovering back in range of the play-off spots again, he might even rejoin an unlikely promotion push… Might.
Lewes: Rogers, Asiedu (Burchell), Watson, Hamstead, Bernal, Muirhead, Christian-Law, West (Hamouchene), Morgan (Bennett), Clark (Taylor-Crossdale), Walker (Franzen-Jones)
Supporters Club player of the match: Tyler Christian-Law was brilliant in the middle, keeping everything ticking over and winning lots of crucial balls.