It’s 9am, and the groundsman, club secretary and supporters check the weather forecast ahead of that evening’s game. The BBC forecast is up to its usual standard of accuracy:

By early evening, players, officials and supporters are driving to the ground:

The officials polish off eight cups of tea and half a packet of Bourbons in the boardroom, and decide to do a precautionary pitch inspection, which invariably involves the referee bowling a ball across each penalty box as so:

The early pitch inspection is passed, but the referee has spotted a couple of puddles he’d like some other poor sods to clear while he retreats back to the boardroom for more tea and bourbons:

The weather conditions worsen and the referee takes to the field for a second pitch inspection. It doesn’t look good, not least because he can no longer bend down to pick up the ball due to the sheer volume of tea and bourbons consumed:

The game is called off and immediately the conspiracy theorists fire up social media:

Although social media does have its moments…