Did anyone else forget to check the Kent weather forecast before setting off for Ramsgate yesterday?

On the long drive to the far tip of Kent, there wasn’t the slightest hint of fog. When I parked my car about 500 yards from the ground, visibility was perfect. Yet as soon as we got through the turnstiles we were tying ropes to one another in case we lost someone in the pea souper.

The fog was so localised that the only logical explanation was that Ramsgate had booked Adam Ant to play in the bar after the game and the lads were doing a sound test.

Consequently, for the first 20 mins of this game, the loyal gaggle of away fans could see precisely bugger all of the far end.

When Ramsgate scored a first-minute goal, the first we even knew of impending danger was when the home fans celebrated the goal. I still have no idea how the goal went in, but apparently it was an absolute worldy and the ever-entrepreneurial Ramsgate Club Shop has already put out a commemorative T-Shirt:

A few minutes after the goal went in, the Rooks kit man was strolling past the away end.

“What happened with the goal?” asked the inquisitive PJ.

‘Well, they scored,” he replied and walked on. Yeah, thanks mate.

It wasn’t the only baffling conversation in the first-half away end, either. Somehow the terrace conversation got around to Welling Utd, whose manager you might recall was recently in a spot of bother with the local constabulary after a pre-match dust-up in their game with Potters Bar.

“The Welling manager bought my breakfast this morning,” piped up Dan Bentley.

Cue confused looks. “Why did the Welling manager buy you breakfast, Dan?” I asked, not unreasonably in my opinion.

“I don’t know,” he replied.

Meanwhile, local report suggest there was a football match going on. Louis Rogers was clearly panicked that the Lewes fans had gone home after the early setback, because no fewer than three times in the first half he emerged from the fog, coming miles out of his goal, almost conceding on each of those three occasions.

This tickled the Ramsgate keeper, Anthony Joshua lookalike Dillon Addai, who kept up the hot new trend of 2026: chatty opposition keepers. He and Supporters Club treasurer, Abacus AI, struck up such a friendship over the course of the game that Steven Spielberg has bought the rights to turn it into the biggest bromance since Brokeback Mountain.

Given Ramsgate were camped in our half for almost the entire first 45, we saw about six minutes of actual football. But the fog miraculously lifted by the start of the second half (Adam and the Ants were clearly taking five) and so we could see perfectly when we created our only decent chance of the game right at the start of the second period, Kaan Bennett pinging one from the edge of the box, which Anthony Joshua brilliantly tipped over.

But fans were soon praying for the return of the fog when Ramsgate barrelled in their second, as their troublesome no. 8 Kweku (Lord?) Lucan disappeared beyond our back four and slotted his shot past Louis. Their third came through our own offensive free-kick, which we cocked up and Lucan broke free again, this time squaring for Mitchell May to finish from close range.

The profuse apologies from the players coming over for handshakes at the end suggested the lads knew they’d had a stinker. We’ll have to take their word for it. We only saw bits of it.

Lewes: Rogers, Bernal (Watson), Hamstead, Burchell, Kpakpe, Allen, Christian-Law, Bennett (West), Unwin (Ovenden), Bassett (Hamouchene), Walker (Franzen-Jones)

Supporters Club man of the match: Referee David Spain (yes, that one), whose inexplicable decision to start a game where you couldn’t see both ends means we didn’t have to watch some of the nasty bits.