You may have noticed, but I’m quite keen on the sound of my own keyboard. I sit here every Sunday morning, and tell you what happened in the match the day before, often in the most roundabout way possible.

Today, I’m going to hand it over to Danny Edwards, Honest Danny as he should be known, the manager of Uxbridge, who was given one of the classiest post-match interviews I’ve ever seen (that link is to X, in case you prefer to avoid that far-right hellstrom). He’s going to tell you the story of a goal we had disallowed on the hour mark, with a little bit of commentary and context from me to fill in the gaps.

Uxbridge chairman, Mark Bantock, is the interviewer. He says: “I’m not even going to try and explain what happened. You do it. Can you tell everybody who’s looking into this interview about that three, four, five minutes of football and what evolved?”

For the tape, Danny’s already got his head in hands, before he starts speaking. “There’s a number of questions we have. The first one is I’m not sure you can do what’s happened. The goal’s been scored, I know mistake’s have been made in decisions, it was a good goal for them.“

To set the scene: Uxbridge think they should have a corner. Their bench screams for it, their fans scream for it, but the ref gives us a goal kick.

“We were very vocal in our disappointment, because it was such an obvious corner that was missed. The lino went to give it, panicked, the referee overruled him very quickly.” says Honest Danny.

The goal-kick’s taken and the ball breaks down our left, Ryan Gondoh sprints over the halfway line but he’s dispossessed near the touch line. To be fair, our bench appeal for a throw, but the ball hasn’t gone out. I’ve seen the video, I’ve slowed it down frame by frame, the ball doesn’t go out.

“I’m not overly sure the ball went out,” says Honest Danny, who’s on the same touchline as the incident.

Play goes on. We work the ball neatly to the other side of the pitch, as we have been doing all game, put in a peach of a cross and Charlie Walker nods it home at the back post to bring the scores level at 1-1.

Our players celebrate, and the ref books one of their players as everyone is trudging back to the halfway line, for presumably arguing about the missed corner. Then he goes over to their bench and books Honest Danny too, also for dissent. Now, a full minute or two after the goal’s been awarded and everyone’s pretty much back in position waiting for the game to restart, the ref wanders over for a chat with his bench-side lino.

After another lengthy chinwag, the ref approaches our captain Briggs and informs him the goal’s been disallowed because the ball went out for a throw-in. Cue pandemonium.

First, the ball didn’t go out. I can’t share the video footage, but you’re going to have to trust me, the ball didn’t cross the line. Second, the goal is scored in an entirely different phase of play. On my Bluesky commentary I said 30 seconds must have elapsed between the supposed throw-in and the goal being scored and I was wrong. The video shows it’s 13 seconds. But it’s still a different phase of play. How far back can you go to correct a mistake that wasn’t even a mistake? As Honest Danny said: “I’m not sure you can do what’s happened.“

After almost five minutes of fuss and arguing the game restarts. Uxbridge score a second, and we pull one back through sub Noel Fisher, which the ref allows to stand, having decided that the wrongful jailing of The Birmingham Six in 1975 only had a marginal impact on play.

We’re pressing and pressing, as we have been for most of the game, and everyone’s got their eyes on the board, waiting to see how long’s going to be added on for the fiasco, plus the two goals and ten subs that have taken place in the second half. It’s four minutes. Less time, than it took for the mad incident to be sorted out, which we’ve timed as just shy of five minutes by itself.

“If I’m the Lewes management team, I’m surprised they haven’t been sent off,” says Honest Danny, “because I would be absolutely furious, because the one thing nobody’s really spoken about, which is even more unbelievable was there was only four minutes of added time. There’s been ten subs and that [incident.] I expected it to be eight, ten. It was a strange, strange day.”

We should have won the game. We dominated both halves, created enough chances to win three matches, and defended poorly twice. We’re every bit as culpable as the officials for the result of this match. But bloody hell. My new smartwatch has a heart rate monitor that shows when my stress levels rise. Look where it peaked into “where’s my pills?” range yesterday.

Just as I was pressing ‘publish’ on this match report, I got a WhatsApp from Big Deaksy:

Lewes: Rogers, Cox (Richardson), Spinks, Hamstead, Enkh, Briggs (Garzon), Allen (Mundele), Owen, Unwin (Fisher), Gondoh, Walker (Bassett)

Supporters Club man of the match: Andrew Briggs did a lot of good work in the middle, breaking up play and getting us back on the front foot. Plus, it will keep his dad happy on Facebook…