Ground control: Good morning, commander. Bit of a strange one, this. We want you to be on the lookout for a soccer ball that is believed to be in your orbit. It left London yesterday afternoon and it’s heading in your direction. You might see the letters “W&F FC” written on the ball in marker pen.

International Space Station: Affirmative that.

Yes, Lady Luck finally kissed Lewes on the cheek yesterday. After the win that wasn’t at Cray Valley, and the late penalty that wasn’t against Dulwich, it looked like we were going to be smited again. Having just pulled ourselves level in injury time, the away-end delirium was swiftly extinguished when Jerry Puemo got himself involved in an off-the-ball tangle with Zack Newton and gave away a late, late penalty.

(Apologies to Dave Lamb for shamelessly stealing the Good Life riff he’s been trotting out all season.)

Fortunately, the Wingate spot-kicker, Ryan Lowe, properly Waddled it miles over the bar and the away end could continue its Christmas party.

To be honest, it didn’t feel like there was going to be much to celebrate for much of this game. We seem to be playing almost every game in a Force Six monsoon at the moment, and this was no different, with the weather wreaking havoc with Big Deaksy’s tinsel fascinator and the quality of football.

The home side largely dominated the first half, and would have been in front early on if Toby Bull hadn’t have pulled off a terrific double save. There was a terrific save at the other end too, when Sablier’s low shot was palmed away. Only this one was by a defender, not their keeper, but neither the ref (no stranger to a Christmas dinner he) nor his assistant could see it through the squall.

They took the lead on the half hour. Our corner got cleared to the halfway line and suddenly stand-in left-back Peter Ojemen was in a foot race with their pacy no. 9. He left Ojemen squelching in his tracks, poked the shot low past Toby Bull, and though it looked like Calvin Ekpiteta might get there in the nick of time to hack it off the line, he collapsed in a jumble of limbs as the ball trickled into the net.

Wingate – and the away end – thought they had scored a wind-assisted second minutes later, when a corner seemed to float straight in, but the ref chalked it off for something or other. They really should have been two ahead shortly after, when they shanked a shot wide with the goal gaping.

Full of seasonal spirit, we eventually gave them a helping hand with their second goal on the hour. Toby Bull raced out to become our 46th left-back of the season, trying to jockey a ball off a winger on the byline. The winger knocked it past our wandering keeper, and two passes later it was tucked into the unguarded net.

At this point, thoughts in the wet-through, miserable away end were starting to turn to post-match pubs and which side of the M25 would offer the shortest tailback. But Pitts wasn’t done with this one. He brought on Shae Hutchinson and Nabeel Ghannam and the two subs combined to drag us back into it.

Hutchinson danced his way into the box and then got his ankles clipped by a daft challenge from Kpakpe. Danny Bassett smacked the spot-kick a little close to the keeper for our liking, but it lashed the back of the net. (PJ captured the penalty here if you’re on Facebook.)

Then, a couple of minutes into injury time, Ghannam put in a peach of a cross from the right, which Gianluca Botti – who’d barely had a sniff all afternoon – did brilliantly to get his bonce on and divert the ball into the top corner. Scenes.

And though – like a Mrs Brown’s Boys special – the late penalty threatened to spoil Christmas, all was high and crisp and even.

Lewes: Bull, Warren (Allen), Kaiser, Puemo, Ojemen, Muirhead (Ladapo), Sablier, Allsopp (Ghannam), Ekpiteta (Hutchinson), Bassett, Botti.

Supporters Club man of the match: Going to give a Christmas bonus to Nabeel Ghannam, whose moment of brilliance with the cross led to the equaliser.