Well, that was dull, wasn’t it? An absolute end-of-season snore fest in the sun where nothing happened at all…
So, as there was nothing to talk about in the game, and in no way to use up a piece of pre-prepared content in case the game was pure dishwater, here are the Lewes FC Supporters Club Match Reporter’s Unofficial Awards of the Season 24/25:
The Gary Holloway Award For Outstanding Contribution To A Full Season Of Football
Courtney Swaby, who came on in the 95th minute in the 1-0 win at Bognor in August and never played again
The Solly March Award For We’ll Still Claim ‘You’re One Of Our Own’ If You Go On To Play In The Premier League
Courtney Swaby
The Ivor Novello Award For Lyrical Genius
The Youth Wing for remastering Kylie’s Can’t Get You Out Of My Head for La, La, La, La, La, Ladapo
The Derek Acorah Award For Ghostly Presence In The Back Of Every Post-Match Interview
Boardroom hospitality guvnor, Paul, who is now owed more royalties for walk-on parts than Robert De Niro
The Heston Blumenthal Award For Outstanding Innovation In A Burger Van
Our FA Cup opponents Harefield, who had a full set of optics in their burger van, making it the only ground we visited all season where you could order a cheeseburger, chips and double scotch & ginger
The Fray Bentos Award For Inedible Pies
Whitehawk, who served up a steak pie so cold that a decent vet could have revived the cow inside
The ‘Will He Stop Banging On About It If We Give Him A Made-Up Award For Outstanding Dedication?’ Award
Big Deaksy, who’s now gone over two seasons and 120 games without missing a men’s game
The Delia Smith ‘Where Are You?’ Award For Horrible Trips On A Tuesday Night
The 11 who made the trip to Dover in deepest January
The Homes Under The Hammer Award For Worst Away Ground We’ve Visited All Season
Having to visit Whitehawk twice in the rain and cold was dismal, Hashtag’s residency at Aveley was another low point, but the award goes to Chichester City, a 3G training pitch with a couple of Wimpey Homes on the side that’s about as atmospheric as branch of WH Smith
The ‘Did You Buy The Fixture Computer From Amstrad?’ Award For Bizarre Fixture Scheduling
Lord alone knows how we got paired with Folkestone for Bank Holiday fixtures, but can someone give the mainframe at Isthmian HQ a good whack before it spits out next season’s fixtures?
The Roy Keane Award For Looking Incredibly Pissed Off While Doing His Job
Facilities manager, Damien, inspecting the damage after a Canvey Island defender cleared a ball through the office window at The Pan in November
The ‘Is The Shell Garage Still Open?’ Award For Underwhelming Leaving Gifts Award
The Lewes FC board for this…
Lewes: Bull, Warren, Meeres (Jones), Spinks, Ojemen, Allen, Muirhead (Antonio), Sablier (Nano), Unwin, Ladapo (Allsopp), Hutchinson
Sub not used: Ekpiteta
Supporters Club man of the match: He was only on the pitch for ten minutes, but we’re giving it to Christ Nano for not only scoring but having the sheer audacity to have a goal celebration sorted for when he did
Video highlights from Your Instant Replay:
Boyesy’s brilliant photos:
